I've spent my entire life in school. Now what?
I’ve been living life with a syllabus for as long as I can remember. Twenty years. I don’t think I realize how much of my identity is tied to school until I start counting down the days left. Two years. Six months. Three weeks.
Somewhere along the way, being a student stopped being something I did and became who I am.
Every August meant a fresh start. Every summer meant a lighter workload. Every semester had a finish line. There was always another assignment to complete, another exam to study for, another semester to survive. My life has always been measured in school years.
I can tell you what grade I was in when something happened faster than I can tell you what year it was… broken arm? 2nd grade. Moved to South AL? 3rd grade. I could go on for days.
And if I’m being honest, I spent a lot of those years believing my worth lived somewhere between those silly little letters A and F. Having a good semester meant I felt good about myself. A bad grade on some dumb quiz followed me around for weeks. And I don’t think anyone ever explicitly told me my GPA determined my value, but after twenty years of chasing the next assignment, the next report card, the next diploma… it became hard to separate achievement from identity. Now, in a week, it’ll all be over.
No orientation. No registration emails. No Canvas notifications reminding me something is due at 11:59 p.m. No professor posting next week’s module. No checking the syllabus to see what’s coming next. No group projects that make me want to give up on the entire human race. No one asking, “So what classes are you taking this semester?”
For the first time in my life, a Tuesday is just… a Tuesday.
And I don’t know why that makes me emotional… it’s weird.
What happens when the roadmap you’ve followed for twenty years suddenly ends? And it ends not because you failed. Not because you quit. Simply because there are no more pages left at this moment. I’ve spent so much of my life looking toward the next milestone that I’m not entirely sure what life looks like when there isn’t one waiting for me...? Like I have my career, but like #schoolgratification. There isn’t another first day of school picture to send my mom. There isn’t another graduation to work toward. There isn’t another degree quietly shaping out the next few years of my life.
It’s strange to realize that for the first time, no one is handing me the map.
I have to draw it myself. And that’s exciting… until I remember that means every direction is my responsibility. No professor is going to tell me what chapters matter most. No rubric is going to tell me what “success” looks like. No final exam is going to confirm I learned enough. Real life doesn’t come with office hours. It doesn’t have a syllabus. It doesn’t even tell you if you’re on the right track. I think maybe that that’s the part that scares me the most. That I’ve always known what was expected of me:
Study hard.
Get good grades.
Graduate.
Repeat.
What do you do when there are no more instructions? Who am I without another degree to earn? Who am I without a GPA to protect? Who am I when there’s nothing left to prove on paper?
Maybe graduating isn’t the end of being a student. Maybe it’s the first time you get to choose what you learn instead of having someone else decide for you. Maybe success isn’t measured in semesters anymore. Maybe it’s measured in experiences. In mistakes. In conversations. In risks. In fear. In the books you pick up because you want to, not because they’re required. In becoming someone you never would’ve met if you kept following someone else’s curriculum. In realizing your hopes and dreams are doable. In the love you give other people.
I don’t have the answers yet (I don’t think I ever will, stick around to see lol). Right now, all I know is that after twenty years of always knowing what came next, I’m about to wake up in a world where no one is going to tell me.
That sounds pretty exciting…
Yea… maybe it is exciting…
But also terrifying… who knows maybe I will get another degree idk?
